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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23181328">children of the shield</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/fjord'>fjord (orphan_account)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Growing Up Together, KRIFF, Other, friends to friends amiright, gender neutral reader, im torn between hating and hating the word kriff but i still use it, making up lore like nobodies business</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 16:01:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,350</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23181328</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/fjord</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“You and I,” Cassian murmured, “we are children born of the shield.”</p><p>Moments from growing up.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cassian Andor/Reader, Reader &amp; Bodhi Rook, Reader &amp; K-2SO</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>children of the shield</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i'm so ready for this all to be outdated bc of cassian's show. enjoy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cassian Andor liked to pretend that your first encounter did <em> not </em> result in him bawling on linoleum tiles and you cussing with a vocabulary unfit for an eight-year-old. You’re still a bit miffed that the scrawny new kid on the base had such bony shins.</p><p>“Kriff! My kriffing toe you kriffing bantha poodoo!” you howled, hobbling around.</p><p>Had it been <em> your </em> fault that when you had heard of someone new transferring in for longer than five seconds at Paucris Major that you had bolted to the landing dock because Maker knew you were sick of colored grass? It <em> certainly </em> hadn’t been your fault that one Cassian Andor— a little stiff from the long flight to the base— had been in your path as you skidded to a halt before the new ship (you practically had all the regular call signs memorized at this point).</p><p>You flexed your toes inside your boot gingerly and affirmed to yourself that it wasn’t broken. The only thing that would have made your existence more boring was being stuck to the medbay for broken toes. </p><p>Even staring at the vast stretches of multicolored grass that covered the whole of Paucris Major glisten in the unchanging sunlight for hours was better than being shoved in the medbay for a week and letting the injury heal naturally. </p><p>Your mother had scolded you before, there was no bacta to spare for a foolish eight-year-old.</p><p>You turned your attention to the new kid and noticed that he was shaking onto himself. From your position, his scruffy hair really did look like a bantha calf. Was he . . . crying? You hadn’t thought you’d hit him <em> that </em> hard. You felt a twinge of guilt.</p><p>“Hey, hey,” you knelt down, unsure how to confront the streaky face of a quietly hiccuping kid. You’d been hoping that with two kids, the supervisors would finally let you explore the planet instead of cooping you on-base, but that was a fat chance if the new kid hated you.</p><p>“What’s your name? Where are your parents? Why’re you here?” You glanced up at the ship he’d emerged from. Empty. It wasn’t unusual for kids to be orphaned in the skirmishes but why would an orphan be sent to a rebel base?</p><p>Dark eyes finally looked up at you and swam with unshed tears. There was a sinking feeling in your gut that you hadn’t gained a new playmate.</p><p>“C-Cassian Andor. M’ parents are gone,” he said shakily. Ah. Gone. </p><p>In wartime, <em> gone </em> always meant <em> gone </em> gone. You didn’t think Cassian looked much a soldier with those knocky knees and shivering shoulders and that heavy cloud of sadness that sunk his head low. But what did you know about soldiers? (All you saw was them coming back, bandaged and groaning for bacta. Secretly, you thought you knew an awful lot more than the people sending those poor fighters out.)</p><p>You sat down beside Cassian on the landing pad.</p><p>“My da’s gone,” you offered with the simple understanding of a child. It wasn’t a quid pro quo— it was telling someone something because it felt right. After all, Cassian was going to become your best friend.</p><p>Out of the corner of your eye, you saw a man in a tan uniform walk toward the docking bay and you knew he was coming for the latest import. </p><p>The silence between the two of you felt deafening and you abruptly turned to Cassian who was wiping away his fading tears and assuming <em> that </em> look. The blank soldier was emerging. </p><p>“Hey, when you’re not on a mission or whatever you should come explore the grasslands with me.” You said, words tumbling out. Cassian blinked.</p><p>“Okay, well, I’ve never really done it before but I’m sure with the two of us we could cover a lot of ground!” You nudged him encouragingly. He stiffened a bit then relaxed.</p><p>The surprise faded from his expression but he remained silent, sunk in himself. But it wasn’t quite the chilling face of a soldier either. Nearly imperceptible, Cassian nodded.</p><p>The captain gestured for Cassian to follow and he stood up, straightened his shoulders. But as he turned the corner you waved when he glanced back.</p><p>Well, you could work with that.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Ma,” you said plaintively. You kicked your feet against the edge of your bunk in the shared room you had with your mother. Space was limited on the small base, but you’d never truly resented the conditions. After losing your father when you were young, well, cramped living quarters weren’t exactly the worst thing in the world.</p><p>Your mother, a stern woman with a few greying hairs raised a teasing, exasperated eyebrow. “What?”</p><p>“Why don’t I go on missions?” You asked.</p><p>She looked up from the datapad she was poring over with a look like she wanted to stop you.</p><p>“<em>Cassian </em> goes on missions.” You added.</p><p>Her expression tightened. “You know why,” she said sternly. She turned off the datapad’s screen, attention fully on you.</p><p>“Kriff, <em> you </em> go on missions!” You gestured to the datapad irritably.</p><p>Your mother stood, strangely quiet. You got an eerie feeling when she didn’t even comment on your language. </p><p>“You know <em> exactly </em> why I don’t allow you to go on missions. Cassian— I know you’re friends with him— is another matter. The Command has allowed you to stay here and <em> not </em> have to serve because of our . . . circumstances and I thank the Maker for it every day.” She got the expression, the one where you got to see the glimmer of cracks in your strong mother’s face, that she got whenever she thought of your father. You didn’t push when that happened.</p><p>It was just . . . Cassian was gone, <em> again </em>, and you were getting quite bored after having such excitement.</p><p>Though, if you were being honest with yourself, it wasn’t really the boredom that got to you. It was Cassian and the hollowness in his eyes when he’d return. The way he’d shuffle back to his room as if he was a lobotomized droid. You wanted to take his blaster and shoot it off his face.</p><p>You gave a shaky smile to your mother in reassurance. “Okay. I get it.” Neither of you believed the lie. You changed the conversation topic, “so do you have a mission coming up?” you nodded to the datapad.</p><p>Your mother tapped it, scanning the document, and nodded tersely. “It’s a simple meet up for reconnaissance. I shouldn’t be gone longer than a week.” She put it down for a final time and sat down beside you, wrapping an arm around you. You wriggled around it, trying to escape.</p><p>“<em>Ma </em> , I’m not a child anymore.” You don’t deign to add the unspoken <em> you won’t be able to stop me from fighting someday </em>. For a moment, the tension drained from both of you as your mother held you. Her aroma was of fresh linen and, faintly, engine exhaust. </p><p>It smelled of home.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Cassian didn’t show fear often. He was very good at that, <em> not </em> showing fear. The Rebellion was even better at flushing it out of children, you thought bitterly. War was exposure therapy at its finest (adapt or die— <em> but too many people died </em>). But none of that compared to the uncomfortable anxiety pulsing through the room as your mother scanned up and down his form.</p><p>“He’s a bit skinny, isn’t he?” your mother finally said, gruffly. Ignoring the fact that most everyone was skinny from the meager rations spread throughout the Rebellion, it was a fairly mild comment as far as things went.</p><p>“Cassian Andor, ma’am,” Cassian inclined his head, a soldier's greeting.</p><p>Your mother gave a wry smile and turned around, “well, aren’t you coming in?”</p><p>He started and hurried after your mother.</p><p>“My pesky child told me you were fixing up a protocol droid and needed to fix its language module? Unfortunately, they did recall correctly and I have a spare somewhere . . .” your mother shot you an amused look. </p><p>After that one time you’d been so bored you attempted to make a blaster out of her collection of ragtag parts, she didn’t appreciate you taking parts. Not that you even knew what a TranLang communicator module <em> looked </em> like, much less sneak out one for Cassian.</p><p>You’d been wanting to introduce Cassian to your mother anyway, so this had been the perfect excuse.</p><p>“Do you work with droids often?” your mother prodded the mute Cassian. The guy was already so quiet, you were surprised his mouth hadn’t sealed up at this point.</p><p>“It’s a hobby,” Cassian quickly deflected, unsure of how far behind your mother to stand as she riffled through her cache.</p><p>You scowled at him from across the room but finally took pity on him, gesturing for him to join you. </p><p>He nodded, awkwardly adding on, “I try to fix them up so they can be useful. Clean them, that sort of thing.”</p><p>“Yes, I hear you’re doing great things for the Rebellion.” Another pointed glance in your direction. You quickly avoided Cassian’s eyes— yeah, he didn’t need to know about <em> those </em> outbursts. He probably already thought you too childish. </p><p>Before the moment could become awkward, your mother turned around, module in hand. “Here it is.”</p><p>Cassian gave a weak smile, managed a mostly coherent <em> thank you </em>, and ditched as soon as it was socially acceptable. The coward.</p><p>Your mother instantly loosened up, teasing expression on her face. </p><p>“<em>Mom </em> , did you have to give him such <em> scary </em> vibes?” You closed the door and sighed with all the exasperation and embarrassment of an eight year old.</p><p>She immediately began laughing at your melancholy. “Oh, I don’t think I gave that impression. He was a very nice boy— a bit scrawny though, don’t you think?” She sombered slightly at your insistent scowl. “He was <em> very </em>polite. Let him know he can keep the module, won’t you? I have another.” </p><p>Your mother paused, a devious light in her eyes. “He <em> also </em> was quite handsome, <em> hm? </em> You know, I liked him. Wouldn’t mind if when you’re older—”</p><p>“<em>Ma! </em>”</p><p>“I’m just saying—” </p><p>“Alright, I’m leaving to tell him about the modu-whatever— <em> bye </em>!”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>You discovered early on that Cassian <em> really </em> didn’t like touching. </p><p>He’d tense up whenever it made like someone was about to touch him. Practical as he was though, you’d see Cassian swallow back his misgivings for efficiency, taking a steadying breath before taking a proffered hand. How he seemed to wish he could just give a curt nod of greeting even outside the briefing room.</p><p>Maybe it was the way that it felt like helplessness, to have to rely on someone physically, especially as such a young agent. Maybe it was just how Cassian was. Still, you couldn’t help but feel a bit hurt every time he shied away from even you. You knew you shouldn’t take it personally, but . . .</p><p>At the moment, Cassian stopped and roused you from your thoughts. “I think we should head back now. We’re on the edge of someplace not on the holomap.” You were following behind him in the tall grasses that covered Paucris Major.</p><p>You were honestly surprised Cassian had put up with your antics of being an adventurous space pirate (Cassian being your unwilling first mate) for this long. After getting permission from Command, the two of you had been allowed excursions into the grasslands in your free time. Which you had far too much of. Cassian less so but you made it work. It was nice being able to explore the world you had lived so long on and yet never truly explored. You didn’t feel ready to return to base.</p><p>“Come <em> on </em> , Cassian,” you moved in front of him and gestured to the gently rustling seas of grass. “Look— there’s nothing out there. It’ll be <em> fine </em>.”</p><p>Cassian looked out, hesitating. His right hand was always close to the second-hand blaster snug in its holster. You personally found it totally unfair he got a blaster and you didn’t but that was beside the point.</p><p>“Plus, if we discover anything we can add it to the map. Wouldn’t that be helpful? <em> Strategy </em> . . .” you made mystical arm gestures at his doubtful expression.</p><p>He sighed, “alright.”</p><p>“Great! I’ll run point,” you said cheerfully, taking the holomap from his grasp. You skipped ahead, the grass tickling your arms. Maker, you wished you could stay out here forever.</p><p>Cassian called your name hurriedly. “Wait— slow down—” </p><p>Suddenly, the ground disappeared from under you, the grasses turning into a slippery carpet under your feet. You were rolling— tumbling— <em> falling </em>— </p><p>Splintering hot pain tore through your ankle and you cursed under your breath. Your fall was broken by a bramble-like bush. </p><p>You heard your name from above, Cassian calling out shakily but firmly. </p><p>“I’m fine, Cassian! I just— fell into a ditch . . .” you trailed off as you looked around closer at what <em> exactly </em> you had fallen into. There were shattered pieces of <em> something </em> dark and leathery. <em> Eggs </em> . Eggs the size of your head. Also, bones. Stripped bones, the sort that looked half melted from digestion or something. <em> Kriff, kriff, kriff </em> . You resisted the urge to call out to Cassian. Whoever laid these things could be here. And if it wasn’t . . . when it was, it would <em> not </em> be pleased.</p><p>Nine hells, you really did yourself good with this one didn’t you.</p><p>You tried standing up and winced at your ankle. Alright, the hill wasn’t <em> too </em> steep. It’d just felt that way falling down. Bracing yourself, you heaved yourself to your feet and began limping upward. </p><p>Cassian quickly caught sight of you and exhaled. He immediately locked onto your limp. “You are <em> not </em> okay—” </p><p>“Cass— we <em> really </em> have to get out of here. There was a nest and I crushed some eggs and I dunno if it’s like a giant snake or something but,” you paused to catch your breath.</p><p>“Let’s go,” Cassian said quietly, unclipping his blaster. He bent down a bit to allow you to wrap your arm around him and adjusted his hold on you so your ankle was off the ground. Distantly, you were surprised at how much taller he was than you. </p><p>The two of you began the trek back to the base, Cassian keeping an eye on your backs. The walk was slow and the tendrils of grass no longer felt like some great adventure. Guilt rolled in your stomach. Cassian didn’t complain once or even pettily say <em> I told you so </em>. When you finally looked up, you saw only worry and compassion in his eyes.</p><p>Cassian had been so long without parents, without anyone really, that the slightest touch seemed to make him stiffen up until he gauged the threat. If family was home and the outside was the war, it felt like Cassian had forgotten to leave the war outside. You weren’t even sure if he even thought of the base as his home; he was gone so often.</p><p>But at the same time, in moments like these, he didn’t hesitate to help you. You felt the adrenaline and tension thrumming through him.</p><p>When the two of you finally made it back to the base, you looked down at your feet, ashamed. “I’m sorry, Cassian.” He was probably disgusted with having to drag your useless sack of Bantha poodoo self back and would never want to be your friend. You weren’t even mad that you’d have to wait weeks for your ankle to heal naturally.</p><p>Instead, Cassian merely gave a tired smile. “Remember to put that on the map, <em> Captain </em>.”</p><p>You resisted the urge to throw your arms around him. You hoped your bright-as-stars smile was enough. “Of course, Cass.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>You stared down at your food ration, unenthusiastically stabbing a fork into a rehydrated mass that looked like it was supposed to resemble broccoli. Gross.</p><p>“Wow, some welcome back party this is,” a voice said from above you. Your head snapped up to the voice and you watched in muted surprise as Cassian plopped his tray across from you. He looked a little scrawny and tired, but what else was new? You couldn’t help the smile that stretched onto your face.</p><p>“Sorry, I just got out using crutches so I’ve been put back on light maintenance duties,” you explained, melancholic expression back on your face. There was a silent <em> as punishment for that time we kind of got lost and I fractured my ankle </em> that followed. You looked down, a bit ashamed. “I didn’t get a chance to check on the flight statuses— if I’d seen your ship—” </p><p>“You would’ve hobbled across base to meet me at the landing pad?” Cassian raised an eyebrow exasperatedly. “As much as that would have been hilarious, it’s okay.”</p><p>You scowled back at him. “For that comment, you’ve earned my broccoli.” You made to push the sad lumps on Cassina’s plate and he swiftly moved his away.</p><p>“<em> Hey </em>, there’s already some in my portion— eat yours yourself!” He rolled his eyes, accent thickening with mock irritation.</p><p>You pushed the food reluctantly around your plate. Amusement radiated off of Cassian. </p><p>You looked at him. Scrawny, yes. Tired, moreso. But he was <em> your </em> scrawny and tired friend and him being here, refusing your greens, meant that he wasn’t out <em> there </em> being shot up and what more did you need?</p><p>“It’s good to have you back,” you said, trying not to sound choked up. You took a mouthful of the broccoli and immediately began gagging.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>When you tapped into your compartment, you had expected the regular darkness and quiet hum of your room. It had been your first mission (a one-port stop pick up— late at night but straightforward), but you hadn’t expected anything. You lived on a base where people were constantly moving and things changing. Such was the nature of a low-budget rebellion.</p><p>Well, you were wrong.</p><p>“<em> Surprise </em>!” the two voices cried out as the lights flickered on.</p><p>Your mother and Cassian, surprisingly not about to shit himself in the presence of your mother, stood with a small package in hand.</p><p>You blinked dumbly, “what?”</p><p>Your mother smiled, a bit wobbly, and stepped forward, embracing you in a surprising show of affection in front of another human being. Though you supposed Cassian was basically family at this point. “I know I made it clear that I wanted you out of the field for as long as possible, but I know you’ll do great things.” She pushed the box into your hands and you opened it nervously.</p><p>A pale, translucent yellow crystal sat tied to a leathery cord. Its tips shone in the dim lighting of your room. Your eyes burned at the sight— Corell, the giver of life and light was the symbol of protection in Corellia.</p><p>“It’s light will always watch over you,” your mother murmured. You didn’t remember much of Corellia since you’d left so young, but sometimes you remembered lights and beautiful sights of dark stone and a blinding star above. It was reassuring to think that that light could still touch you, lightyears away.</p><p>You turned to Cassian, giving a wry smile. “And why are <em> you </em> here?”</p><p>“Am I not allowed to congratulate a friend? Maybe you’ll become a real captain now,” he grinned teasingly.</p><p>Clutching the star in one hand, you were overcome with an urge to wrap him in a hug. <em> No, stop. Remember boundaries. Last time you ended up with a broken ankle— </em></p><p>You felt solid arms come around you in a stiff, awkward hug. But it was well meaning. Cassian pulled back, brown eyes crinkled in a strange sort of happiness (you weren’t quite sure how to describe it. It wasn’t the sort of stomach-cramped-with-laughter happiness but a fond-prideful-affection happiness. Was this what friendship felt like?).</p><p>It was a nice moment until your mother cleared her throat. “Alright, I ship out at 0500, let’s start packing this party up shall we?” </p><p>You shot a dry expression at Cassian— <em> can you believe this woman? </em> An equally amused look seemed to say <em> I really see why you wanted me to meet her and I’m not sure I forgive you </em>. </p><p>“Thank you both for this,” you gave a wobbly grin, trying to not burst into tears (you hadn’t cried before— that was just . . . eye sweat).</p><p>When you went to bed, you clutched the crystal to you. It felt warm.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>There was a knocking on your door.</p><p>You curled away from the pounding, wrapping yourself further into your blankets.</p><p>“Go away!”</p><p>A muffled call of your name in a familiar accent froze you.</p><p>“It’s me. I— I heard what happened.” Cassian. <em> Cass </em>. Finally back from his off-world mission. You had almost considered unlocking your room when he continued. “You’re going to have to report to Command eventually. You have a duty. This sulking isn’t what she would have wanted.”</p><p>You dropped the remote sullenly, curling tighter into your blanket fortress (you may or may have not taken Cassian’s blanket rations while he was away). What in the nine hells did Cassian know about how you were feeling?</p><p>You tried to ignore the sigh on the other side of the door. When you closed your eyes you added his disappointed expression to the impression of your mother’s hug, haunting you.</p><p>You’d finally started going on missions last year and there’d been longer and longer gaps between when you and Cassian saw each other. Despite that, whenever the three of you had been on base at the same time, your mother had done her best to make the scruffy teenager feel like he had someone (and give him a comb when needed). But that didn’t change the fact that he’d been <em> gone </em> when she left. Gone when she had <em> really </em> left.</p><p>It’d been a simple outing. Just a patrol to check on some Rebellion assets. Too bad it’d been rigged as a trap by some Imp officers who’d discovered the cache beforehand. Command had told you the news with the efficiency of officers who were numb to the body count already.</p><p>Yeah. Some duty.</p><p>The door hissed open and you spun around indigently.</p><p>“The fuck? Cass—” </p><p>He gave a small smile, sadness in his eyes. Only Cassian could hotwire your kriffing door and have the gall to look <em> abashed </em>about it. He stepped forward, hesitantly.</p><p>You sighed and scooted over in your bed, making room in your blanket cocoon. After you’d moved to your own room, the nightmares had begun coming back. And, well, the bags under Cassian’s eyes had told the rest of the story. You had both figured if the bed-sharing helped, then there was nothing to stop the both of you. Tired rebels were dead rebels.</p><p>As much as you were trying to keep up the whole “I’ve been through a terrible loss and I’m angry at you” facade, it crumbled when you felt Cassian’s warmth beside you under the covers. He tentatively squeezed your hand. You couldn’t stay angry knowing how much he pushed himself out of his comfort zone for you (though he somehow managed to sprawl in the tiny regulation beds and still leave space between you).</p><p>“I’m sorry that I wasn’t there,” Cassian said hoarsely.</p><p>You stayed silent a moment, not trusting yourself to speak. You turned around so you were facing him and saw the sheen of tears. Your throat seized up.</p><p><em> You’re the only one I have left </em>. The thought came unbidden and a tenderness filled you for Cassian. You bit your lip against saying something stupid. Instead, you squeezed his hand back. Cassian gave a small, fond smile.</p><p>“On Fest, we have a legend about people like us,” he said softly. “The planet is famous for its snowy mountains and not many people dared to climb them. The people who did manage to travel to all the distant valleys were said to be touched by the god of strength and battle, Kovas.</p><p>“Kovas was said to bear a massive shield on his back and if he ever unslung it in battle, it was a sign that victory was near.”</p><p>There was a faraway look in Cassian’s eyes.</p><p>“It’s also said that all children come from Kovas. He delivered newborn babies on his shield and would carry children to their homes when they became lost. He hoisted them onto his shield and gave them to expectant parents.”</p><p>You gave a shaky, dry smile, “ah, so a benevolent god of war.”</p><p>Cassian raised an unimpressed eyebrow, “no person is one-dimensional.” <em> Not even a god. </em> He continued, slower, as if drawing out this quiet baring of another part of his soul.</p><p>“But sometimes, when there were no parents, Kovas would hold onto the children, taking them with him through battle. They clung to his shield, growing stronger over the course of many rotations. “You and I,” Cassian murmured, “we are children born of the shield.”</p><p>You shivered at the words, imagining an imposing figure unleashing his fury upon a raging battlefield. But something about the story bothered you.</p><p>“In the legend, what happened to the parents?” you asked. You appreciated Cassian’s attempt to reach out but it wasn’t like you needed a reminder about what you’d just lost . . . <em> fuck </em>. You blinked rapidly and hoped Cassian couldn’t see anything in the dim light.</p><p>“The legends say that the children of the shield’s parents had been released into the cosmos, accepted into the ranks of the Wild Hunt, the eternal band that rides across the galaxy.” Cassian explained. “In the Hunt, she is honored as the warrior she was in life.”</p><p>You blinked, silent tears rolling down your face. You tried to imagine your mother, dressed in her thick jacket and hair tied behind her. The way her face set in determination, the sort of stubbornness that also flowed in you.</p><p>Yeah, that suited you. That suited <em> her </em>. She was always a fighter (one would have to be to bring her child with her into the Rebellion).</p><p>You tried to picture your father beside her, perhaps reunited in that heavenly brigand. But nothing came to mind. That only made the tears come harder (you hated the thought of her being alone, wherever she was). Because all your life, it’d been hard, but the two of you had never truly been <em> alone </em>. </p><p>Cassian murmured your name hesitantly.</p><p>You reached up gently and grasped his face and you felt him suck in a breath. He felt hot— or perhaps it was just your icy hands? Your mother had always tried to get you to massage them more. He flinched a bit at your touch but let you continue exploring his face.</p><p>You absentmindedly traced the edge of his lip. “Hey—” you said just as he breathed your name. His mouth snapped shut. You raised your brow quizzically.</p><p><em> Don’t leave me </em>, you wanted to say.</p><p>“So, are you gonna keep growing the mustache?”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Did you <em> seriously </em>—”</p><p>You couldn’t believe your eyes. The hulking mass of metal with glowing eyes looked down at you. Beside it a sweaty, but otherwise unscathed, Cassian stood.</p><p>“My name is K-2SO. I am a reprogrammed Imperial droid.” From the moment it began talking, there was a certain snark in the automated voice that sounded certainly . . . deviant.</p><p>For a moment, Cassian was the unsure boy who had gone against his generally very-sound moral code to steal you an extra pudding ration when you’d been sad, hesitant that his gift would be rejected. “Do you think Command will let me keep him?”</p><p>The uncertainty gave way to resolution and you had a sinking feeling that regardless of what you said, Cassian was going to do his best to keep the kriffing thing. Cassian said, “he’ll be useful— I’m sure of it. He helped me escape anyway.”</p><p>You stared skeptically at K-2SO. You had the strange feeling the droid was equally boring into your own soul. You felt a twinge of concern at the mention of <em> escape </em> — suggesting that Cassian had been <em> captured </em> at one point— but you had stopped asking Cassian about the details of his missions long ago. On some things, he refused to compromise on and, well, hearing “classified, classified, classified” day after day got old pretty fast. And if K-2SO could help Cassian return back to base, return to <em> you </em> . . . . Maybe Imp tech wasn’t all bad.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m sure they’ll love him,” you raised your eyebrows. “<em> Especially </em> Dave.”</p><p>Cassian winced at the thought of his superior officer. “Yeah, I’m still working on an explanation for that.” You gave a satisfied smile at the fact that he’d all but given up on stopping you from mocking one Davitis Draven. Not that the man didn’t deserve it. You didn’t trust the unlikable intelligence officer as far as you could throw him (and that was slight indeed).</p><p>What was unspoken though was that you would help him. Not that you would ever turn down an excuse to have a fun little mutiny. Hey, you were a rebel— you rebelled. </p><p>(And it <em> certainly </em> wasn’t because you were bitter about things that had happened years ago. Totally.)</p><p>“So where are you gonna put him while command decides on him? He <em> is </em> fully checked through, right?” You asked. Not that you didn’t trust Cassian, but reprogramming Imperial droids was all fun and games until it turned out that they weren’t <em> actually </em>reprogrammed.</p><p>K-2SO’s eyes flickered slightly as he looked between Cassian and you throughout the exchange.“I find it discouraging that you said that this was the one person you could trust when they clearly do not trust you.”</p><p>Cassian scowled at the robot. “<em> Hey </em> — don’t just go around <em> saying </em> . . . . I would do the same, anyway.” He cleared his throat, “yeah, Kaytoo is trustworthy, if a bit defunct in personality.”</p><p>You snorted out “<em> Kaytoo? </em> ” incredulously at the same time that K-2SO said “ <em> defunct? </em>”</p><p>Oh Maker, oh <em> Maker </em> — Cass was in <em> deep </em>if he was already making up a nickname.</p><p>“You piece of Bantha poodoo,” you affectionately ruffled his hair. Cassian scowled back at you. You made to teasingly kick him when a metal pole slammed into your shin.</p><p>“<em>Kriff! </em>”</p><p>You distantly heard Cassian bite back a laugh as you saw K-2SO slowly retract his leg. How— how did that thing move so fast? <em> Kriff </em>, your shin hurt.</p><p>“Hey, stop laughing and help me up!” You said and ignored the flutter in your stomach when you saw his expression of barely contained laughter. <em> Happy </em>. He hauled you up and scolded the droid.</p><p>“It’s not <em> my </em> fault. I detected that their motions had aggression behind them and I was protecting you from an assault. You weren’t this miffed about it <em> last </em> time.” If it were even possible, you would think K-2SO was <em> sulking</em>. Maker, how bad had Cassian had to break it?</p><p>Your shin was definitely going to bruise later.</p><p>But seeing that look on Cass’ face . . . you’re not saying that slapstick comedy on your behalf was worth it but it kind of was. He’d been getting that <em> other </em> look far too often for your preference as of late. And if K-2SO could help that as well as keep Cassian alive, any extra information he could offer the Rebellion was just icing atop the cake to you.</p><p>(As the both of you had expected, Draven was less than enthused about the former Imperial droid appearing in his command center, but he grudgingly learned to accept it. The dozens of Imperial access codes and intel stored in Kaytoo’s memory helped.)</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Would you like to know the odds of this plan succeeding?” Kaytoo said your name, somehow making the address even with your rank sound mockingly respectful. Sith, you really needed to learn some sass from the metal bucket.</p><p>You peeked around the corner, “no, not really. You’re <em> sure </em> that today is the day?”</p><p>Kay’s face couldn’t change but you sensed a feeling of exasperation with the soft whir of his processors. “Cassian never wants to hear the odds either. Well, when he reprogramed me, he didn’t remove the capabilities to track time and it’s not <em> hacking </em> to check the birthdates of Rebellion officers. So yes, I’m quite sure that today is Captain Andor’s date of birth.”</p><p>You scowled, resisting the urge to cover Kaytoo’s mouth. “<em> Hey</em>, pipe it down. People could <em> hear </em>.”</p><p>“Oh, I’m <em> sorry</em>, I didn’t realize that this was a <em> stealth </em> operation.” You <em> knew </em> somewhere in those circuits Kaytoo was rolling his eyes at you. You should have left the kriffing thing in the trash compactor that time. “Both you and Cassian have such <em> interesting </em> ideas of what stealth means, and <em> he’s </em> the intelligence officer.” You’re not sure if that’s a compliment to your unorthodox methods or a dig at Cass’. </p><p>Kaytoo peeked over your shoulder and you futilely pushed him back. “<em> Wait </em>. My friend’s on shift today and she said I could use the multiprocessor.”</p><p>You squinted and saw the distinctive blue lekkus of your Twi’lek friend, Nina. She made eye contact with you and one of her lekkus gestured all clear.</p><p>“<em>Kay</em>, move faster.”</p><p>“Oh you spent 5.6 minutes asking me to watch for you and now <em> I’m </em> the burden,” Kaytoo scoffed but hurried after you, exaggerating his hunched over position, the massive droid still quite obvious.</p><p>Kaytoo watched your brow furrow as you measured out the portions of milk and water. He mildly noted to himself you really would have been quite useful on the bomb disposal unit if you put half as much effort into other things as you did brew this drink. You had to go a bit light on the milk portions or someone would probably notice the missing rations. Luckily, the star of the drink was a packet you’d managed to snag on an off-world mission a month or so ago.</p><p>Kay blinked slowly as you poured out the liquid and shook out the packet.</p><p>“You went through all this effort to make hot chocolate for Cassian.” He said flatly. </p><p>You felt your face warm and it wasn’t just from the steam puffing up at you from the thermos. “He— he said he missed it. From Fest,” you added defensively. “I wanted to make something special for his birthday.”</p><p>Cassian’s relationship with his home planet had seemed not unlike the planet itself. Cold, a bit distant, a bit rocky. But it had been his home. Apparently, Festian hot chocolate was also nothing to scoff at. You doubted the packet you’d bought in a commonplace street market could compare, but it was certainly a step up from the sludge called hot chocolate that occasionally made it in the weekly meal rotation on base.</p><p>You sealed the drink. “Alright, we’re good to go. Now to just find Cassian—” You weren’t honestly sure where he could be. It was early afternoon and clearly he wasn’t in the caf. Sometimes he liked to curl up in the obscurest places to read holopads of data (though he claimed it was to get away from your nagging presence).</p><p>“Captain Andor is in the communications center,” Kaytoo offered, helpful for once.</p><p>You shot a grin at the droid and hurried off, not checking if he was following. The communications center was only a few halls down. You dashed around a corner, dodging out of the way of other Rebel officers, most of the older ones used to your antics since the base had essentially been your playground as a child. One more right and you— </p><p>“Kriffing hells—” you slammed right into one resigned Cassian Andor.</p><p>He raised an unimpressed eyebrow at you while he steadied you. “Hey, watch where you’re going. That mouth is going to get you reprimanded.”</p><p>You grinned sheepishly, mostly glad that the thermos was still inconspicuously in your grasp. “And who’s to say that it hasn’t already?” A beat passed and you realized you were still holding onto Cassian. You awkwardly disentangled yourself. Hell, you weren’t really sure how to go from here. You looked down at the thermos and back up at Cassian.</p><p>“Uh, here.” The thermos was clumsily shoved into his hands.</p><p>Kaytoo finally walked up behind you. “Don’t worry Cassian. I made sure they didn’t slip poison in.”</p><p>“It’s for your birthday,” you hurriedly said at Cassian’s quizzical expression. He hesitantly cracked open the lid and his eyebrows rose at the rich smell of chocolate.</p><p>Dead. Silence. One could hear a credit drop from the end of the hallway.</p><p>You swallowed nervously. Damn, where were all the people you’d dodged around to get here? More silence. </p><p>Because of course, you’d messed up and Cassian actually really hadn’t wanted a reminder of his old home and now he probably felt like shit because, well, <em> you </em> felt a bit like digested Bantha food right now and oh Maker were those tears— </p><p>Cassian closed the thermos and gently smiled at you. He said your name as if he cradled your hopes and dreams in his hands (which you supposed, in that moment, he did).</p><p>“It’s perfect. Thank you.”</p><p>You tried not to think about the bubbly feeling that exploded in your chest at the sight.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Agent, you are not designated for this area,” a medi-droid blared behind you as you stormed your way into the medical wing. You paid no heed to the offended droid, whose lights flared angrily.</p><p>You turned the corner where you had heard he was. “<em> Cassian </em>.” You breathed, staring at the idiot in question, who was sleeping in a cot with several bacta patches on his chest. His breathing was strained and sweat damped his forehead.</p><p>The medi-droid made a vocalization that sounded suspiciously like a huff.</p><p>“What happened to him?” you knelt down, stomach tying itself into knots. He probably threw himself into an explosion or something. For someone who constantly chided you on your own following of protocol, Cassian could be incredibly hypocritical when he wanted to be.</p><p>“<em>Agent</em>, may I remind you that you are not cleared for this area of the—” </p><p>“Please,” you implored the droid. It paused, lights flickering contemplatively.</p><p>“Captain Andor was hit by blaster crossfire. Now please leave and stop impeding the Captain’s recovery before I remove you.” The medi-droid rolled ominously forward and you stepped back. You’d seen Kaytoo do some things that taught you to stop underestimating droids— you never knew what was in them.</p><p>“Hey, hey,” you held up your hands in a non-threatening manner. “Alright, I’ll leave.” You glanced back at Cassian. Well, it’d do no good to really be banned from the medical wing before he woke up. </p><p>Unconsciously, you brushed his bangs out of his face. Maker, he was clammy. <em> Those bacta patches better be working. </em> After a second thought, you gently pressed a kiss to his head to the droid’s consternation.</p><p>“Get better soon, dummy,” you said. You were scared but . . . it had always turned out. He always came back to you.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“I’m not saying I don’t appreciate your input, but I don’t need your constant complaints about my superior officer!” Cassian scowled.</p><p>You bored a hole into the back of his head and had to walk faster to keep up with his irritated pace. “Hey! Don’t act like this. I’m just <em> saying</em>, I was in that meeting room too and you didn’t look—”</p><p>“It doesn’t <em> matter</em>,” he hissed, shoulders tensing. You flinched back, wishing you could see his face. Cassian sighed in a defeated sort of way and turned around to face you. It felt like you were watching a droid go into hibernation as Cassian took a few deep breaths, calming himself. He schooled his expression, the immaculate soldier. </p><p>Nevermind, this was worse.</p><p>“It doesn’t matter what I want,” he repeated resolutely, genuinely believing it. “It’s for the Rebellion.”</p><p>You stepped forward hesitantly. “Cass, I didn’t mean to hurt you— or make you look weak in front of your superior,” you added. Cassian gave another of those sighs but didn’t reject your offered hand. You looked down at that instead of his eyes, your conjoined hands already calming you. The fact that he was still willing . . . a literal proffered hand— well, not all hope was lost.</p><p>As much as you disliked Cassian’s commanding officer, you tried to respect Cassian’s whole dedication to them. At the very least, you’d never intentionally sabotage his chances with his work.</p><p>Plenty of times, you’d been there to see the aftermath of missions, especially the strategic ones that required collateral damage. But it was a different sort of feeling seeing the quiet conflict cloud his expression. You weren’t necessarily proud of your outburst back there, but you weren’t apologetic.</p><p>Cassian exhaled. “I know,” he said softly. “But I need to be able to trust that you have my back when we’re assigned together.” You opened your mouth to protest— as if he could ever doubt that. “I mean, trust that you’ll get the mission done. <em> That’s </em> having my back.” He clarified firmly, looking at your mutinous expression.</p><p>“You can’t ask me to choose between you and the mission,” you argued, a little helplessly at the darkening look in his eyes (you’d lost so much. So many friends, your family. You couldn’t lose <em> him</em>). </p><p>“I can and I have. If not, I’ll ask General Draven to reassign the support of this mission.” His voice was distant and your hands suddenly felt cold.</p><p>You pulled them out of his grasp, hurt. “Well, then maybe you should do that.” You turned away before he could see the wet burning in your eyes. “Since I clearly don’t have your back.”</p><p>You tried not to think about how cold the presence at your back felt as you stormed away, practically feeling his eyes boring into you. Cassian didn’t even call out after you. You tried not to think about how much that hurt either.</p><p>The walk down the corridor felt impossibly long, your heart pounding in your ears. You blinked rapidly, trying to not scream pitiful with Cassian behind you and officers milling around. You finally rounded the corner, releasing a breath in relief. <em> Kriff him, </em> kriff <em> him. </em> Why did Cassian always have to be so martyristic and <em> stupid</em>? </p><p>Head down, you didn’t look up as you made your way to your room.</p><p>And promptly slammed your toe into a wall of metal.</p><p>You looked up to the inquiring eyes of Kaytoo. You’d long since stopped questioning how he was so expressive considering the only changing feature of his round face was flickering lights.</p><p>“Agent, you look terrible,” Kaytoo announced, not entirely unkindly.</p><p>You averted your eyes, “I’m not really in the mood, Kay.”</p><p>“I’ve calculated that there’s a 78% chance that either you or Cassian said something inadvisable to each other,” Kaytoo helpfully told you. You tried to stop your lip from wobbling. “It’s just risen to 83% that it was Cassian.”</p><p>You shook your head, “it’s not . . . well. It’s just the way he is.” You tried to walk away but the hulking droid followed you insistently. If you were in a different state of mind, you’d tease Kay of mothering you.</p><p>“I too find Cassian’s counterintuitive approach to survival frustrating at times, having been reprogrammed to ensure that his survival continues on.” Kaytoo sympathetically said.</p><p>“But that’s what pisses me off. It feels like he doesn’t care about if he survives, he just cares about the kriffing <em> mission </em>!” Your voice cracked and you were desperately trying to ignore the tears threatening to spill.</p><p>Kaytoo seemed at a loss of how to deal with this shaking ball of near-hyperventilating humans. Machines, after all, had no need for breathing.</p><p>“On missions,” Kay switched tactics, “I will always have Cassian’s back. Not only does this increase his probability of mission success, but also his life expectancy.”</p><p>That was strangely reassuring. You wiped at your eyes furiously, not that Kaytoo had any premonition about pride or reputation. “Thank you, Kay.”</p><p>Kaytoo nodded to himself, a strangely human emotion (you wondered if he’d picked it up from Cassian).</p><p>“I’ll always have your back, as well, Agent.” He said, softer.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Honestly, you live in a single room, <em> how </em> do you have this much stuff?” Cassian huffed under a particularly heavy box of datapads. “You sure the ship will even be able to take off with this stuff on it?”</p><p>“While the Agent’s personal belongings equate to a concerning weight for the relative measurements of their room, it is not a significant enough weight to prevent take off,” Kaytoo helpfully commented as he smoothly picked up another two boxes.</p><p>“Lift from the knees,” you chimed in from your place on the floor where you were hurriedly finishing up a report you owed to Command.</p><p>Cassian shot the both of you a dirty look as he stomped out to the hallway. <em> Traitor </em> he seemed to side eye at Kay before stomping off with a sort of mutinous dignity that it seemed only Cassian had ( naturally it was one of the first human mannerisms Kay picked up).</p><p>Hey, you totally would’ve helped except for your really urgent report. That was due in a week.</p><p>But what Cassian didn’t know didn’t hurt him.</p><p>You were being relocated from Paucris Major to Yavin 4, the main base of Rebel communications, for easier access as Command prepared to have you go on longer missions. It seemed after seeing you only as a brash teenager that would probably crash any starfighter you were let loose upon for so long, they were finally willing to give you higher-clearance missions (not that they were wrong about the starfighter thing, but you were getting better at espionage no matter <em> what </em> Cassian said). Also, you literally <em> were </em> an adult, dammit. A few messy missions didn’t change that.</p><p>You heard a thumping sound from outside. “Hey! Don’t damage those!” You called out toward the door at the sound of Cassian cursing. You walked to the door to peer out and promptly had to stifle all laughter.</p><p>One Captain Cassian Andor was bent over his boot, hissing and shoving datapads back in the box with no small amount of animosity.</p><p>You strolled over, unable to fight the delighted grin on your face. “Oh, how the tables have turned. <em> Now </em> who’s the idiot with the foot injury?”</p><p>Schooling his expression into one of cool disinterest, Cassian looked up at you for a moment and then back down at the datapads. He checked one and then turned it back off. And then maintained eye contact with you as he lifted up and dropped it on your foot. <em> Ow. </em></p><p>“<em>Kriffing hells! </em> What the <em> fuck</em>, Cassian?”</p><p>“Your face—!” </p><p>“What if you’d broken something?”</p><p>“I checked if it was essential information.” Cassian had doubled over again, this time in laughter. His body seemed to implode and explode as the giggles tore through him. For a guy who was normally so level-headed, when Cass felt comfortable, he really could let go. </p><p>“You blasted idiot,” you rolled your eyes, stern expression finally cracking. It was good to see him smile (even if it was on your behalf). </p><p>You hoped the box had hurt when it hit his foot.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Of course, it’s right when you’re about to head off onto a cargo pickup mission that Cassian brought home his first girl.</p><p>And, of course, because it’s Cassian I-love-the-Rebellion-and-would-sell-my-firstborn-for-it Andor, the girl is literally the antithesis of a one-night stand. From what he’s told you, they met in on an extraction mission, in which Jyn was the one being extracted. It had romantic potential, but Cassian naturally squandered it by saying it was to track down her father who was an Imperial officer.</p><p>Nothing screamed wet towel like parents and Imperials.</p><p>And because it was Cassian, he also picked up several more people than he actually needed to. Your first thoughts when you saw the ragtag group was <em> at least it wasn’t another droid</em>. You loved Kay but . . . well, one was enough.</p><p>The first time you met Jyn Erso was the only time.</p><p>You stared at her dumbly for a moment and had the distinct feeling she wanted to punch everyone in the room, steal Cassian’s blaster, and potentially use it also on everyone in the room. You kind of liked her.</p><p>You liked her even more when she stood in front of the Rebel Command and demanded that they stand up against the Empire and steal the weapon plans from some planet.</p><p>You caught sight of Cassian after the meeting, tapping on shoulders and murmuring with <em> that </em> look in his eyes.</p><p>“Calling in your many romantic favors?” You teasingly called out. Secretly you were a little uneasy— trust Cassian to go on a simple mission to meet with a contact and end up with one destroyed city and dead high level officer and he hadn’t even stopped to say hello before rushing off to do who knew what. But you wanted to hear the story from Cassian first. He always did stupid shit but . . . he was a good-hearted idiot. Surely there was a rational explanation for the destruction of millions of lives.</p><p>Cassian’s mouth barely quirked so you knew it was worse than it seemed (which was saying something). Usually your horrible jokes got <em> something</em>. </p><p>“I’m recruiting people to go on the mission,” he said grimly. You tried to ignore the feeling of hurt.</p><p>“Weren't you going to ask me?” you asked, trying desperately hard not to sound like the broken kid who wasn’t good enough for a mission. You <em> were </em> good enough. You could have his back.</p><p>“No,” Cassian said, sounding choked.</p><p>You stared at him for a moment, not sure if you heard correctly. “What the fuck, Cassian?” You stormed forward, wanting to punch him, kick him in the balls or something— <em> make him feel like you did. </em> “I’m not some stupid kid anymore. I’ve signed up for the Rebellion, sold my soul or whatever the hells you want me to do. Do I mean so little that I’d compromise your—” </p><p>Cassian stepped forward hurriedly and made to cover your mouth before others could hear. Oh, well, toss any sympathy you had into a sarlacc pit right now— “<em> ow, </em> don’t <em> bite </em> me—” Cassian hissed.</p><p>“<em>S</em><em>top it. </em> You don’t get it— that’s not why—” Cassian’s expression was crumpling. <em> Good</em>, a tiny, vindictive part of you thought.</p><p>“<em>Let me explain</em>. I can’t have you on this mission,” Cassian made a <em> wait </em>expression when you opened your mouth to protest. “Not because I think you would compromise it, but because I— I realized that time a year back, when it looked like we were going to be partnering on that mission, I <em> can’t </em> have you on a mission.” His brow furrowed as he tried to find the words. “It would be <em> me </em> who fucked up, letting you come on the mission.”</p><p>You tried to swallow down the feeling of really wanting to cry when he said your name. “I . . . really like you, alright? And that distracts me a lot— even when you’re not on the mission,” Cassian chuckled weakly.</p><p>Your brain short-circuited a bit. <em> Likes . . . me. </em> Holy shit. The weird pressure, heart palpitation issue you’d been having came back full swing. Cassian liked you. Cassian Andor <em> liked </em> you. <em> You </em> liked Cassian. <em> Oh. </em> That suddenly made years of teenage confusion make so much more sense.</p><p>You just wished he didn’t look so <em> sad </em> saying it.</p><p>Throat tight, you took something out of your pocket and pressed it in his gloved hand. You . . . you couldn’t put that burden on him— <em> telling </em>him that would . . . </p><p>“It’s light will always watch over you,” you whispered, wrapping Cassian in a hug. He relaxed, relieved that you weren’t going to push it. You pulled away and stared at him intently, “when you come back— we’ll talk, alright?”</p><p>“Okay,” Cassian smiled shakily.</p><p>“No more blowing up cities, you hear me?”</p><p>“<em>Okay </em>, okay,” he laughed.</p><p>Your grin faded slightly. “You’re prepared to go against Command? You really believe her?” Sure, it was one thing to be swept up in the moment of a valiant speech, but that wasn’t how the Rebellion worked. That was <em> specifically </em> not how the Rebellion worked because spur-of-the-moment passion was how people got killed. Good people.</p><p>“I believe in Jyn.” Cassian sounded surer than anything. This was more than that blank stare that would sometimes emerge after he’d been briefed for a mission. This was <em> passion </em>. It felt good to see him alive.</p><p>“Then I believe in her too,” you murmured (though you’d already been pretty convinced after that speech. Anything to rub in Draven’s face). </p><p>The two of you stood for a moment, watching the organized chaos of Yavin IV as pilots and rebels milled around. Messily harmonious— that was what home was.</p><p>“I need to get more people,” Cassian finally said, his shoulders lighter. <em> Thank you </em> his eyes whispered. As he walked away, he paused as if with a thought. “You know, even Kay likes her.”</p><p>You rolled your eyes. “Oh, <em> really</em>?”</p><p>“It’s debatable,” Cassian smiled and you laughed back.</p><p><em> Idiot </em>you thought fondly. But maybe, with time, he’d be your idiot. Yeah, you could work with that.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Hours later, you received a comm from Kaytoo. You were doing maintenance work on a droid, mostly to distract yourself from thinking about what was happening lightyears away, and also to help an irritated R2 droid you’d stumbled into, complaining about his workload.</p><p>Naturally, because Kay abhorred good news, it was bad news.</p><p>“Agent, we have run into some complications. I’m forwarding you data. Please have a data tape on hand.” Kaytoo’s voice had a slight buzz to the usual monotone quality.</p><p>You immediately stopped screwing in the droid’s stomach and held your comm unit up. “What— is this the plans?” You hurriedly hooked up your unit to a blank tape.</p><p>“No. Captain Andor and Erso are attempting to get into the storage vault as we speak. However, I have a bad feeling about our odds— I won’t bother giving them to you— and I don’t want my programmed intel to be lost should anything happen.” To any other person, Kay would sound bored out of his mind. This was practically frantic. Your throat felt like it was closing up.</p><p>“What are you saying? Kay— reinforcements are being sent— you’re all going to make it out of there—” </p><p>“Don’t worry, agent, this is a secure link. Transmitting now.” </p><p>The device in your hands beeped and you wished more than ever that there was a blaster instead in your hands and you were on the beach, <em> helping </em>— </p><p>“<em>Well finally </em>.” You heard Kay’s voice crackle slightly. Footsteps. “The rebels, they went over there.”</p><p>You resisted the urge to facepalm. Kay was the shittiest liar.</p><p>There was a sound of stormtrooper radio and then fighting broke out over your comm-link.</p><p>“Kay— <em> Kay? </em>” you shouted, shaking the device as if it’d make it work better. </p><p>Thuds and then silence.</p><p>“Agent, I’m quite fine. Please mind the tape, this is important intel.” Kay chided matter-of-factly.</p><p>The record in your hands blinked. <em> Upload completed </em> flashed across the screen. You opened your mouth to ask what you <em> did </em> with, what was effectively, your annoying friend’s brain when more shots fired on the other end.</p><p>You heard Kay shouting to someone else— <em> Cassian? </em> More blasters sounds. Metal, screeching. “ <em> Climb! Climb— </em>”</p><p>“Kay—” </p><p>“You can still send the plans to the fleet. If they open the shield gates you can broadcast from the tower. Locking the vault doors now. Goodbye. <em> Goodbye, agent </em>—” </p><p>The comm-link went dead.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>In the end, it wasn’t another city. It was a planet. Your best fucking friend.</p><p>It took a few months after Scariff (two and a half, to be precise) for you to find a KX-series that wasn’t too beaten up (Kay would never let you hear the end of it) and one that was actually optimal for transferring Kaytoo’s data. You were suddenly glad that Kay had wasted those precious seconds sending it to you. You wondered if he’d known, been able to calculate with that processor of his if they were going to fail. If him sending his data had even mattered (if he’d really done it because—) </p><p>Two and a half months of wandering throughout the base listlessly. Two and a half months of feeling horribly and utterly alone.</p><p>It wasn’t a new feeling. Of course, you’d lost people. But your mother (and then Cassian) had always been there to some extent. Knowing your loved ones were out, fighting on a mission, was far more reassuring than the cold reality of comlink silence. There was more than one night you tried to muffle your sobs in bed as you clutched the data tape to your chest.</p><p>But finally, on a brief fueling stop on Kashyyyk, you’d gotten your chance. This perhaps wasn’t the rationality of an entirely loyal rebel, which you argued was an oxymoron anyway, but never had you been so relieved that civil unrest has led to the deployment of more security droids on the Empire’s behalf. After all, what was one less KX-droid to the Imps?</p><p>You couldn’t afford to kark this chance up, but when to-be-Kay slammed his metallic elbow into your gut when you swung up on him, you had half the mind to unscrew his head. </p><p>Maker— no wonder Cassian looked so beat up the first time he’d reprogramed Kaytoo.</p><p>“You are unauthorized to perform maintenance on me, I will have to kill you,” the droid announced scornfully.</p><p>You tightened your arm around the droid’s neck, fighting back nausea from being ragdolled off the droid’s neck. Yeah, you really hoped Kaytoo didn’t remember this.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, shut up now,” you said, breathing out hard as you finally hit his kill switch. You slid off, none too gracefully, and got out your tools. Now the real work began.</p><p>Cassian was always the better one of the two of you at droid maintenance. But that wasn’t an option anymore. You swallowed, suddenly choked up at the thought of hearing Kaytoo’s obnoxious voice again.</p><p>It’d taken a good deal longer than your stay at Kashyyyk was supposed to be (you were starting to think the whole black mold stuff was getting to your head) when the droid’s eyes flicked in a way that was definitely not regulation. Perfect.</p><p>You finished screwing shut the droid’s back panel and prayed to the Maker.</p><p>The droid stood up.</p><p>Flicker, flicker.</p><p>“Would you like another piggy-back ride, Agent?” Kaytoo’s voice snidely remarked. It was teasing in a way that was nowhere near as demeaning as the droid’s authoritative voice from before. Kay was rude and abrasive but he was <em> Kay </em>.</p><p>You weren’t aware of the tears in your eyes as you automatically ran to him. Kay wasn’t programmed for catching jump-hugs in a non-lethal manner, but he made do. After all, he said he would always have your back. </p><p>He also figured making sure you didn’t faceplant was a pretty solid way of demonstrating that.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>One of the only faces you recognized from Cassian’s scraggly band was Bodhi. Bodhi Rook is an enigma. Not for some strange, mystical reason but for the fact that you want to punch him in the face. He lived and you should want to hug him and congratulate him but he wasn’t Cassian so you wanted to punch him. In the face. </p><p>You don’t precisely hate him. For a long time after Scariff, you struggled to wrangle yourself out of anything but intense, bed-binding apathy. But if the only thing you did actively was avoiding one Bodhi Rook, you felt like you were allowed the exception.</p><p>It was in the time period before you managed to find Kaytoo’s body double that it was the worst.</p><p>Bodhi had approached you on one of the rare days you didn’t grab your food from the cantina and bolt to your room, shaky but hopeful. You’d promptly ignored his attempts to talk.</p><p>You tried not to feel bad. It wasn’t like Bodhi was <em> alone </em> or anything. He was making friends with the other pilots (you weren’t <em> completely </em> heartless. You’d checked in on how he was managing as a Rebel). He’d made friends because he was nice and kind despite being hurt. Because he was <em> still alive</em>.</p><p>After you find Kay again, it was (surprisingly) Kay who kicked your ass out of the slump.</p><p>“Agent, you can be incredibly childish for a human adult of your age. I don’t suppose Cassian had time to tell you about his mission prior to arriving on base with Erso and the others?”</p><p>You shook your head, morosely. Yeah. There were a lot of things Cassian and you didn’t get to discuss.</p><p>“As you know, you were on a mission for most of this earlier part. Following our extraction of Erso, we went to Jedha to meet with one of Cassian’s contacts. We had intel that an Imperial pilot had defected from Galen Erso’s facility and was being kept by Saw Gerrera. The meet up gave us the chance to gain data from Gerrera, who had defected from the Rebellion some time ago,” Kaytoo began.</p><p>“It also gave you a chance to blow up a city, huzzah,” you scowled.</p><p>“I would appreciate less sass, agent,” Kay drawled. “It wasn’t even <em> our </em> fault. In Jedha, that was when we met Bodhi and the guardians, Chirrut and Baze. I wasn’t there for the beginning and that was how the fighting broke out. We then went to Eadu, to attempt to extract Erso’s father. I wasn’t there, again, and naturally it fell to pieces—”</p><p>Your frown deepened. Normally, you would find it hilarious to listen to Kaytoo’s rambling stories. Hearing his obnoxious commentary soothed the hole that the boy you gave the sun to left. But you weren’t in the mood.</p><p>“What’s the point of this story, Kay?”</p><p>“The <em> point</em>, agent, is that on that mission to Eadu, Cassian had orders to assassinate Galen Erso, regardless of what the outcome might have been.” Your head snapped up and you stared at Kay’s solemnly flickering eyes. <em> That </em> was news.</p><p>“But Cassian disobeyed his orders. He didn’t shoot.”</p><p>Cassian <em> never </em> put other priorities over the mission (that’s why you weren’t there— that’s why—)</p><p>“Cassian didn’t shoot because he believed in something. Bodhi Rook defected from the worst regime in our time because he believed in something. Don’t become the hypocrites you mock, agent. Don’t mourn one for something and mock the other for doing that same thing.” Kay stared at you as the feeling of sadness and guilt compounded in your chest. “All of them knew what they signed up for. Luck chose who came out. Cassian didn’t want you there because he didn’t want you to risk that.”</p><p>You felt tears well up. “He doesn’t get to choose for me like that. <em> I </em> should have been able to—”</p><p>“But you didn’t, because you respected what he believed in,” Kay cut in. “Your vendetta against Rook is ridiculous. Please talk to him because it takes up an inefficient amount of time for me to converse with both of you at separate times because you refuse to talk to him and he, for some reason, sees me as familiar.”</p><p>As Kay’s voice droned on in the background, you felt a sort of weight lift off of you. Talking to Bodhi had felt like . . . <em> treason </em>. But here was Kay, who was probably the person (thing?) who had known Cassian the best outside of you. </p><p>Was it too strange to think that by casting Bodhi aside you’d been . . . disrespecting Cassian’s memory? There were stranger things. Worse things.</p><p>(Hugging him, telling him not to blow up anymore cities, not telling him that you loved him— )</p><p>“Alright.” You rubbed furiously at your eyes. “I’ll talk to him.”</p><p>“Good.” Kaytoo somehow made the comment sound both sarcastic and fond. “You both are quite odd.”</p><p>You failed to hold back a watery laugh. “You know, you’re really good at ruining moments.”</p><p>“I take that as a compliment.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Bodhi Rook looked like he was about to flip his lunch plate when you slammed yours down across from his.</p><p>“Hi, I feel like we got off on the wrong foot,” you gave an awkward smile, introducing yourself. As in, you’d slammed multiple doors in his face and may have faked having a meeting with Mon Mothma to get out of talking to him. Hey— at least you’d never made him cry by tackling him.</p><p>Bodhi squinted somewhat suspiciously at you but nodded acquiescence. “Bodhi Rook.” <em> But you already knew that</em>.</p><p>“I wanted to say that I’m sorry,” you started, somewhat hoping he’d interrupt you before you had to get through the entirety of the things you wanted to say. You . . . had a lot to apologize for. But staring at Bodhi’s face, that large-eyed <em> understanding </em> in them, you wondered how you could have been so horrible to this man that had only tried to do what he believed was right. Any eloquent speech you’d prepared blanked from your mind.</p><p>“I’ve been a huge asshole to you and I don’t know how to apologize—” </p><p>“It’s okay,” Bodhi gave a small smile. Your mouth snapped shut in surprise.</p><p>“I know it’s not always comparable on the other side but . . . even as an Imperial flyer, I lost a lot of people I knew. I didn’t fly combat but, well, you were close to him, weren’t you? Cassian?” Bodhi saw the way your expression stuttered, pained.</p><p>“It’s easy to want to blame the people that come back,” Bodhi shrugged, stabbing a fork into his broccoli. He winced slightly at the taste and you felt shivers of deja vu. “You know,” he said, “when your friend found me at Saw Gerrera’s place, I was being tortured?”</p><p>Your eyes shot from your plate to his face. You saw the lines on his face, the bags under his eyes. The last few months had been hard for a lot of people.</p><p> “No, I didn’t know,” you said, trying not to sound strangled.</p><p>“Honestly, at this point, I forget what it was called, but it was this huge alien that sucked at my brain. It felt like my brain was melting away.” Somehow, Bodhi thought this was an apt moment to laugh. “Before he did it, Gerrera said that most people went insane and I really felt that, you know? Afterward, it was a mess trying to sort through what was me and what was everything else.</p><p>And I think the pain that you go through after a loss is really similar to that. You have to figure out who you are outside of that context of pain.” </p><p>There was sadness but also kindness in Bodhi’s words and you weren’t sure how to reconcile that. He was a bit like Cassian in that sense. You felt the guilt twist deeper at the thought that you had judged him so harshly before.</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>“You don’t need to be.” Bodhi reassured. “You know, it’s strange. I was from Jedha. I lost everyone I knew that day. But being with your friend and everyone and coming here— then leaving for Scariff . . .” Bodhi gave a genuine smile at that. “It was like I’d been unconscious my whole life under Empire rule and I was finally awake. I felt like I was doing something <em> I </em> believed in.”</p><p>“The Rebellion is your family now,” you said, suddenly more sure of yourself than before that <em> this </em> was where you were meant to be. You believed in this movement. For freedom. For change. You wanted to be able to fight alongside people like Bodhi who had stood back up stronger.</p><p>“Do you want to eat lunch together tomorrow?” You blurted out, not quite sure where the request came from.</p><p>Surprise overcame Bodhi’s expression and then he grinned.</p><p>“As long as you invite that robot.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>One day, you worked up the guts to tell Bodhi about your own story. And also another, older story.</p><p>A story about a man who stood seven feet tall and tore through a battlefield like a force of nature. A man who carried a shield upon his back and when he yelled, the mountains would rumble in response and yet the children on his back would continue to dream.</p><p>And even another.</p><p>One about a boy named Cassian who landed on a base in Paucris Major.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>- I can’t find any pre-Yavin rebel base names with a lot of info so I’m makin’ a lot of stuff up! Paucris Major was a rebel base but only temporarily :/<br/>- protrag is from Corellia!<br/>- star wars universe "swearing" will never not make me laugh... so I kept some in<br/>- what? Me making up lore? Hell yeah… I see the sun talisman as symbolizing a sort of guardian of sorts (providing prosperity and such, seeing as Corellia is one of the Core Worlds). So the protag’s mother giving them it represents how she’ll always watch over them, even off-world.<br/>- Kovas is a god of war according to Lithuanian traditions… allegedly. Thanks Internet. I’ve commandeered the name since there’s no established Festian mythos :)<br/>- hot chocolate is a thing in Star Wars. Who’d have thunk.<br/>- ok on scariff they said the death star plans couldn't be sent because they were too big I ARGUE KAY'S MEMORY BANKS ARE SMALL ENOUGH<br/>- I 100% abscond Bodhi’s death because it’s stupid and I hate it :)<br/>- also, Bodhi is 100% getting the therapy help he needs because not enough people acknowledge that he was tortured!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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